I recall specifically from college that class didn't usually start until 9:00am, meaning that I had more than 8 hours between bedtime and the start of class to write that 15-20 page research paper on the role of flintknapping on societal stratification in Tenochtitlan, or whatever the subject matter was. Piece of cake! And you know what, most of my teammates were in the same situation, given that we've all been out drinking together for the last week. Sweet! I'll have some study buddies with me at the 24hr computer lab. How could this situation get any better?
. . .12:00am. Arrive to computer lab with teammates. Immediately take off shoes and socks. Spread out across multiple computer stations. Given that most people aren't in the 24-hr lab on a Monday night/Tuesday morning, the threat of confinement to a single desk and sock-wearing doesn't cross my mind. I am the king, ruling these desks with an iron fist and a keen intellect. I am invincible.
. . .12:15am. Finally settled. Hit-up Google and Wikipedia in an attempt to get the ball rolling. Also, sign in to AOL Instant Messenger, or AIM, as the cool kids have come to call it. May as well check on the away messages of my friends. See what cool movie quotes they left for me to read. Luckily, facebook was not around yet, otherwise who knows where this story would have ended.
. . .3:00am rolls around. I am an idiot. I've spent the last few hours instant messaging some random highschool buddy about how I've got some much work and how tough college is, yet I still don't have a title for my paper. Nice! Time to make a quick run to 7/11 for some caffeine, slim jims, and a tin of skoal. That'll get the intelligence juices flowing for sure. Oh wait, I remember the last time I packed a lip. It didn't end so well. But, hey, I'll give it another shot! Remember, I'm invincible.
. . .4:30am. I find myself in the bathroom, puking up the caffeine, slim jims, and skoal. Fool me twice. Ha! I am still an idiot. However, I now have a title to my paper, and a 2-page bibliography. Thanks, Wikipedia!
. . .6:00am. Sun begins to rise. All of my teammates are long gone, having not spent an hour vomiting, and actually focusing on finishing their assignments. Stupid science majors and your lack of necessary conjecture and opinion structuring. Since when are things absolute?!? Not in the world of the humanities! I miss my ivory tower. Who the hell knows what a thesis statement is anyways? Whoops, distracted again. Luckily no one is on AIM. Time to write.
. . .7:45am. The 8:00am class begins shuffling into the 24hr computer lab. Shit! Guess I should have checked the schedule before I began sprawling out across 4 separate computers, leaving behind traces of the aforementioned perishables, specifically bottles of dip-spit! Gross and inefficient. Time to cram. I will not be intimidated.
. . .7:57am. Introduction. . .complete! Body of paper. . .close enough! Conclusion. . . conclusion. . . copy and paste introduction and end with: "future studies should utilize a more scientific approach to the interpretation of their findings so as to make the results more applicable to contemporary western society." Remember not to use the word "civilization," as the definition of civilization is highly controversial and continuously contested. Oh Anthropology, how you tickle me!
. . .7:59am. PRINT!!!! WINNING!
. . .8:03-8:54am. Wander over to dining hall for feast of lucky charms, apple juice, and whatever meat products are available. Relish in the victory. I am awesome. I am the King. I am invincible.
. . .9:00am. Go to class. Submit paper.
. . .9:02am. Fall asleep in front row of lecture.
. . .9:51am. Lecture ends, as signaled by sharp elbow poke to ribs from my neighbor. Continue on with day, knowing that it will take the greater half of the week to catch-up on missed sleep, and chances are high that I will be pulling another awesome all-nighter during the second half of the week as I haven't even touched on the paper about the development of the criminal mentality in the post-modern era and how it influences the media's interpretation and societal perception of the death penalty in the mid-west. I am the King. . .
